Entry 18: To The Ends Of The Earth

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go,
to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

The verse really, rweeaally describes what's going on now. As days go by the more I feel the pressure of being an intern (is this normal John?). Not so much on the physical but more on the psychological.

By the way I came across this song cause well, Daniel picked it for this Friday so I had to at least play it once ... :D. In the midst of playing it, this song spoke to me. As I was playing I felt that love unfailing was taking over my heart. Like you know that feeling when you're about to cry when a Pastor prays for you, yea that.

I have doubts in myself becoming a cell intern every now and then. Wheter or not I was cut for it. I mean that fear you know. That fear of wheter or not I can live up to what it takes to be a cell intern. I mean could I do it? I rarely read the bible. And yeah honestly I havent been doing much seeking either. But as I sang the words..Finding peace again Fear is lost in all you are. Peace I found and fear is lost(not completely though...yet).

Then came the bridge. I would give the world to tell your story... gosh you do not know how that is true(where you take the scale of world and turn it down to a MUCH MUCH smaller scale). I mean I havent fully given up my world yet but certain things like FRIDAY NIGHT PARTIES are definitely over. One cause I have a party EVERY FRIDAY with you guys and secondly...I'm an intern. Oh and to tell your story part...well I think thats counted in seeking God in cell so that I can tell the world His story.

As an intern I have to set an example of coming to cell though theres a really kick ass birthday party going on. Gosh. The funny this is that I knew that I had to sacrifice all these stuff. I just didnt know how hard it would be.

First thing first. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I ACCEPT THE JOB AS AN INTERN after knowing that I have to sacrifice a lot of stuff. Well for one, my life was really getting boring. It was the same thing over and over again so I really needed some twist to it. So I accepted thinking that it would be interesting and fun if I served God. Dont get me wrong though. It is interesting...just that the fun part isnt exactly living up to what I expected it to be. But maybe the fun part isnt here yet maybe its later on or something I dont know. Or maybe I have experienced the fun parts just that didnt really know it was the fun part of being an intern. But observing other leaders ... it looks like their having fun.

And then secondly I have been in this church for 16 years of my life and I hardly know anyone in church. So I thought HEY if I was involved with church stuff...I would get to know alot of church people. I wouldnt say the amount of people I know now a lot..but its definitely growing. Lastly, I figured that I could die anytime soon...and I wanted to live for God as much as I can. And also honestly, somehow I keep getting this feeling I'm gonna die young for something great [=)= this is called the mixed emotions formula].Oh well, a problem maybe?Or too much tv. I dont know. You tell me.

****

I know that you've called me. Honestly, I'm not too sure if he really did call me to be an intern. I was just offered the job. Thought of why I should be an intern, what are the pros and cons, took a dive of faith and said yes.

And then I sang I've lost myself for good within your promise and at that moment I remembered what John told me in the last camp we were at. Okay I didnt remember exactly what he said but I knew it was something about doing things and being blessed...a lot. Now remember what John said to me wasnt from John it was from God...through John. And that my friends, that promise, from God is the promise I hang on to daily to get me through stuff.

And I wont hide it. I wont hide why I became an intern. I wont hide. Because we ought to share our testimony to encourage others to live for God. And I'm doing just that.

No doubt you will doubt and have fear in yourself when it comes to these things but you will definitely find peace again and fear will be lost with the help of God. Sacrifices are to be made when you serve God. And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. Luke 9:23. And we are called to tell his story by the way. If you want to know more about that ... ask Mei Fong or John New about the Message of Reconciliation :D. And God has a promise for everyone so hang on to that. :D